I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize