The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
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What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need a beard to bite.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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