Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need to align my fucking chakras
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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