I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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