I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
