I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
