are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize