You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?