Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me