We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.