i jhust puked up my retainher.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party