I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it