did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?