I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
