I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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