i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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