One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is wine microwaveable?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize