Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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