i just google imaged poop.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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