Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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