roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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