Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
