I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
