I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
