end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
