you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize