You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I die, sorry about rent.
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