the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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