1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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