How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
