I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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