how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
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