Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.