Jerry, you need to find god
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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