yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."