We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God