Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.