is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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