I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
