thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize