I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
