There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
