so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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