She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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