i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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