We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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