How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers