in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?