HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
