yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
