I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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