i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
