hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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