did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
