It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
someone threw a dead crab at me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
