Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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