So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
