TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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