Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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