What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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