She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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